An open letter Norway-hater Will Ferrel, and General Motors.

Image for post
Image for post

Here is the reason behind this rant:

And this:

Get ready, Will, because I'm about to open a big can of anchovies on you. But first, a word from our prime minister:

And from our Game of Thrones superstar Kristofer Hivju, or Tormund Giantsbane:

While you have been quacking away “over there” for four years, farting around in your ESC’s (Environmental Shaming Car), Norway has gone from fossil to EV. No, not you, Ev Williams. Electrical Vehicles.

We have carried your part of the Paris agreement on our broad Viking shoulders while you have been building…


How I prepare mentally for big life events

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Wolfgang Hasselmann on Unsplash

I will use the release of my debut book as an example in this article, but I use the same “brainwashing” technique in other aspects of life, for instance, when I applied for my current job.

How I prepare for success and failure

I truly believe failure is part of success, and that success is subjective. We all have hopes, dreams, and expectations. Sometimes they’re met, sometimes not, and sometimes we exceed our expectations.

This way of preparing is something I have used most of my life. …


How to get reviews as self-published authors (?)

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

This article is a follow up to How To (Self)Publish Books On a Budget. I am not an experienced author or an expert in getting reviews. This article is written by a two-week-old debutant. And therein lies its value. Seeing it from a debutant's eyes. I will update the post as I learn and figure things out, so if you would like to follow my journey to reviews, I recommend you bookmark this post.

One of the biggest problems I am facing right now is getting reviews for my book.

Starting this process, I didn’t know how important reviews are…


It’s possible. And if it’s your first book, you might have no other choice. Unless you’re filthy rich, but again, then you should go somewhere else.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash

This is a follow up to My $1000 Blog Post

Disclaimer: I am not a publishing expert. On the contrary. Drafting this, on December 8th, 2020, I am still 10 days off releasing my debut book.

The value I offer lies in my noviceness (if that’s even a word). I look at this from someone in the middle of it. Trying to figure things out. I have tried a bunch of things, thrown both money and time out the window, and done many mistakes. I still keep making them on a weekly basis.

If you read the last post, you…


No, you got it wrong. It cost me $1000. And counting…

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Mackenzie Marco on Unsplash

If someone told me back in August, when I posted the blog-post, that it would cost me $1000 by mid-December, I would have said: “Nah, don’t want that!”

Actually, it’s over $1200 as you read this, I just rounded it down for you.

The Beginning

It all started on a beautiful spring day in 1976. When a chubby and happy boy came to see the light of day. This was in Tønsberg, Norway’s oldest city. Home of the Vikings.

Let’s forward a bit

This January, in the year-we-do-not-mention, I started blogging.

As a paying subscriber (aka reader) for two years on Medium, I had devoured everything…


Season two, episode six — Season finale

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Emiliano Bar on Unsplash — Edited by author

The date

It was our third date. Not counting the celebratory dinner when we solved the lost iPhone case.

I was nervous. Shitless, really. I knew what third dates meant two decades ago. I Googled it; seemed like it hadn’t changed. I reserved seats at the best restaurant in Oslo. If expensive equals best.

I hadn’t been intimate with anyone for almost two years — hadn’t been with anyone but my heinous ex-wife for the last twenty. I knew the theory, but unsure if the tools-of-the-trade were up to it.

Anxious about the upcoming date, I went to my doctor for the…


Viking P.I. — Season two, episode five.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by blocks on Unsplash — Edited by author

The Case (not the kind that contains an iPhone.)

“Are you done soon? I need to watch the news,” I asked.

“But Daad! I just started playing, can’t you watch the news on your iPad or something?” My daughter looked at me, wearing my brand new, expensive, and oversized headset. The mic covering her mouth.

She was playing Fortnite. Every available minute was spent playing that game.

Yes, I have a daughter. Her name is Jenny. Normally I wouldn’t mention it, but for this case, I have to since she’s the premise of the entire story.

I sat on the couch trying to watch the news while Jenny screamed…


Viking P.I. — Season two, episode four

Image for post
Image for post

Read time: 12 minutes

“Are you available?” A raspy voice said, pulling me out of my best dream in ages.

“Yeah,” I said, matching his raspy voice with my first word of the day. I squinted as I looked at the phone, an unlisted number. The clock read 07:40. Why would anyone call anyone at 07:40!?

“Good. because you’re my last hope,” he said.

If I had a penny for every time I’d heard that I would have pennies by now.

“I am Ragnar Løke. Have you heard about the Tønsberg jewelry heist in 1985?”

To all of you who…


Part 2 —The conclusion.

Image for post
Image for post
Picture by: Thiago Schlemper from Pexels — edited by author

If you missed the first part, it’s here: The Frozen Case-Part One

Read time: 8 minutes.

The red light seemed to last forever. I was trapped in the busiest intersection of my city, thinking about my visit to Espen and Pernille.

Espen told me the modus operandi, or MO, didn’t fit with a drug endorsed psychotic. The mutilation had been methodical and clean. Not random and violent as would be excepted.

Espen thought the killings were a message to Johan. The drug business was huge in Norway in the 60’ and 70’. People got filthy rich, fast, and where there’s…


Viking P.I. S2E2

Image for post
Image for post

Yes, this is one of those annoyingly part one’s. Calm down. I’m doing it for you. This is going to be a long one, and I know you and your attention span can’t handle much more than an eight-minute read. And don’t you just love waiting in suspense for a week?

No?

Well, tough luck.

Read time: 8 minutes.

Ila Prison

My practice was booming and I was getting cases from left and right. It was mostly boring my husband/wife cheats on me, cases, and I blame the jungle telegraph as I obviously had a talent for catching adulterers. My writing was…

Tommy Ueland

Father, writer, aspiring blogger, connoisseur of everyday joy and professional procrastinator.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store