It’s possible. And if it’s your first book, you might have no other choice. Unless you’re filthy rich, but again, then you should go somewhere else.

Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash

Disclaimer: I am not a publishing expert. On the contrary. Drafting this, on December 8th, 2020, I am still 10 days off releasing my debut book.

Update: I am now a slightly more experienced author, with two books self-published. You will s see these updates throughout the article, where I comment on things I have learned since the day I wrote the original blog post. I have chosen to keep the original text, so you can see the original and updated advice. Too get a glimpse into my journey.

The value I offer lies in my noviceness (if that’s even…

Viking PI — Season three, episode six — Season finale

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The Client

“Those incompetent idiots can’t get their heads out of their asses,” Kenneth spat, droplets coated the glass table.

I sat in the living room of my soon-to-be client, constantly being interrupted by his kid and wife, asking for money, car keys, and dinner plans. Kenneth’s redness increased with every interruption.

When the police came to his door, sirens blasting and armed to their teeth, for the third time in a month, he called me. The first time they came because of an anonymous bomb threat. …

Viking PI — Season three, episode five

Photo by Blogging Guide on Unsplash

I was staring intensely at the chocolates, weighing pros and cons. More pros than cons if I am to be honest. The shopping basket was brim-full of ingredients for the meal I hoped to impress Alvilde with. My hand touched the chocolate when I heard someone say my name.

I turned and saw a middle-aged woman standing in front of me. I knew I knew her, but couldn’t find a name to match the face.

“Don’t you recognize me?” She asked, showing off a gap between the front teeth, giving me the last piece of data I needed.



Viking PI — Season three, episode four

Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash

I was standing behind Sondre, looking at the screen. His room was even messier than the last time I was there. Was I as messy at his age? Something told me I shouldn’t ask questions I don’t want to be answered, right mom?

On the screen was a porn forum about, well… porn.

“Do you see that nick?” Sondre asked, pointing at the screen, at someone calling themselves LeetLoverxx. I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. He continued: “Leet is Jannik’s hugest fan, and one of the most active users on the forum. But see!” Sondre scrolled down while…

Viking PI- Season three, episode three

Photo by Sam Balye on Unsplash

I spent the better part of two days getting my apartment in decent enough shape to have Alvilde over. I had not seen her since she went up north, attending the three-week course.

We were sitting on my new IKEA sofa, eating frozen pizza served on the carton. I had forgotten to buy a serving platter. Luckily, she didn’t seem to care.

“Do you want more coke?” I asked.

“Mmm,” Alvilde said, trying to smile with her mouth full of pepperoni and cheese.

I scooped over on the sofa as I poured her glass, my knee touching hers. She didn’t…

Viking PI — Season three, episode two

Photo by Vince Gx on Unsplash

Her eyes were glistering when she gently put her hands on top of mine. I got the intense feeling something was terribly wrong.

“I need to ask you a favor,” she said. Her hands still on mine. I could see the veins clearly through the spotted skin. My 84-year-old best friend, Greta, locked eyes with me, between us, stood an empty bottle of Sherry and two glasses.

“My good friend, Unni, that lives at the center where I play bridge, is on her deathbed. I want you to find someone for her.”

“OK… a relative?” I asked, the Sherry making…

Thank you for taking me on this walk aleXander. Who knew how interesting NY was with the chin to the chest. I have never been there, but it's on top of my bucket list, and I always enjoy your articles ceremonially :) And I learned yet another word today - cornucopia :) In Norwegian it's called overflødighetshorn (horn of abundance) :)

I remember starting to write on Medium, Bill. At the exact same time as you - February 3. 2020 - Before the world went upside down:) Quickly you became someone I looked up to, learned from and got inspired by. Something that never stopped. We both started on the same day, and we both have ramped up our writing. You with your lessons that inspire and motivate, me with my goofy fiction. But somehow I feel very connected to you, and even though I never have met you, and maybe never will, I count you as a friend. Keep them words flowing, Bill!

Viking PI — Season three, episode one

Photo by Mr Xerty on Unsplash

The Client

The church doors were wide open, inviting me in. It had been a while. It felt like the church looked down at me with a reproachful glare. Like it knew how long it was… Well, of course, it knew.

I went down the aisle, my footsteps echoing through the room. Wondering how it would be with people watching. Or was it too late, had the sand already run out? Deemed a life in solitary. I was annoyed by the fact it took precisely 17,6 seconds from passing over the doorstep until I went all out philosophical.

“Hi.” a voice said…

An open letter Norway-hater Will Ferrel, and General Motors.

Here is the reason behind this rant:

And this:

Get ready, Will, because I'm about to open a big can of anchovies on you. But first, a word from our prime minister:

And from our Game of Thrones superstar Kristofer Hivju, or Tormund Giantsbane:

My 200000000000000 cents

While you have been quacking away “over there” for four years, farting around in your ESC’s (Environmental Shaming Car), Norway has gone from fossil to EV. No, not you, Ev Williams. Electrical Vehicles.

We have carried your part of the Paris agreement on our broad Viking shoulders while you have been building…

Tommy Ueland

Father, writer, aspiring blogger, connoisseur of everyday joy and professional procrastinator.

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