Hey, Will Ferret. I got a Ferrel to Pluck With You!
Here is the reason behind this rant:
Get ready, Will, because I'm about to open a big can of anchovies on you. But first, a word from our prime minister:
And from our Game of Thrones superstar Kristofer Hivju, or Tormund Giantsbane:
My 200000000000000 cents
While you have been quacking away “over there” for four years, farting around in your ESC’s (Environmental Shaming Car), Norway has gone from fossil to EV. No, not you, Ev Williams. Electrical Vehicles.
We have carried your part of the Paris agreement on our broad Viking shoulders while you have been building yourself in behind your precious ugly walls.
Do you know why this hurts so much, Will? Last year, Scandinavia fell in love with you:
You were a Norgesvenn (Norway-Friend). The strongest honor we can bestow anyone, given to Franklin D. Roosevelt after courting Princess Martha during the second world war, Kofi Annan, and you…
How dare you come back, a year later, with pockets full of filthy GM cash. Driving your ugly looking car. (Well, no, it’s cool, but with you inside it’s ugly!) punching a hole in our beloved motherland, mistaking us for Sweden!
Oh, and anchovies, ha! This is how we eat pizza in Norway:
We only want to be liked. And left alone. This bullying is unfair. We fight hate with love and kindness… Blah…No we don’t:
I hope range-anxiety hits you hard when you drive your fancy GM across the Norwegian expanse. When your battery dies at minus twenty degrees in the middle of Hardangervidda (Norwegian national park)….
…I will drive past you in my Toyota Prius, waving a finger at you.